Sigh..day one

I think this is at least the sixth or seventh post I have started with that word. Sometimes that is all I can come up with. Days like this I need more wit! It is werid to think, just Wednesday I felt FANTASTIC. I mean purely amazing. While away I didn't get enough sleep and was just drained. I alway sleep better when Ryan is home. I think my entire house does. I have yet to see Nanea or Traysea before their morning wake up calls. Pure bliss is what I say. So Wednesday after having three full nights of great sleep, I woke up energized!

But then it was off to the doctors..so feeling fantastic, I sorta had a downer.

The decision to not have anymore children is looming. Now, emotionally it is SO difficult for me. It is such a final decision! I need Jessalee to go back to work so I can love on her Annabelle. Or Misty to go back to get her Phd and leave those two handsome fellas with me. I need the baby fix. Of course, right at this moment I have this huge hole that I think needs to be filled! There as SO many reasons to make this decision final..but in my heart I just can't say yes. I keep having to remind myself, I have three, praise God, happy, healthy children. Blessed with boundless energy and the ability to turn anything around. Why chance not seeing them grow up, ronee? So everyday, I am going to have to settle into the fact that having another child would be my selfish want. Sigh...So day one, a day closer to being okay with the thought of no more children. I know it's the right decision, I just don't like it!
xoxo
ronee