Friday, February 13, 2009

Sigh..day one

I think this is at least the sixth or seventh post I have started with that word. Sometimes that is all I can come up with. Days like this I need more wit! It is werid to think, just Wednesday I felt FANTASTIC. I mean purely amazing. While away I didn't get enough sleep and was just drained. I alway sleep better when Ryan is home. I think my entire house does. I have yet to see Nanea or Traysea before their morning wake up calls. Pure bliss is what I say. So Wednesday after having three full nights of great sleep, I woke up energized!

But then it was off to the doctors..so feeling fantastic, I sorta had a downer.

The decision to not have anymore children is looming. Now, emotionally it is SO difficult for me. It is such a final decision! I need Jessalee to go back to work so I can love on her Annabelle. Or Misty to go back to get her Phd and leave those two handsome fellas with me. I need the baby fix. Of course, right at this moment I have this huge hole that I think needs to be filled! There as SO many reasons to make this decision final..but in my heart I just can't say yes. I keep having to remind myself, I have three, praise God, happy, healthy children. Blessed with boundless energy and the ability to turn anything around. Why chance not seeing them grow up, ronee? So everyday, I am going to have to settle into the fact that having another child would be my selfish want. Sigh...So day one, a day closer to being okay with the thought of no more children. I know it's the right decision, I just don't like it!
xoxo
ronee

4 comments:

Felicia Fernandez said...

I heart, heart, heart, you!

Brad and Lauren said...

I so wish I could give you some Makana time. I would gladly share with you for a little Lauren time!!! Listen to your heart it will lead you in the right direction. Love ya!

Allison said...

I'm not sure what happened to Jacksonville...Ugly Kite made it there, but the host never posted anything...

Keri Lee Sereika said...

I am confused? Did I miss something?