Wednesday, January 21, 2009

My struggle

Now everyone has struggles..and if you are not in the mood to listen to be blah blah blah, then you should stop reading!!!

One of my things this year is to nurture my relationship with God.

I know everyone says they want to do that..and everyone wants to walk one with God, but just how do we get there. Now religion for me has been an interesting walk. I am not going to go and rehash my childhood days, but know that I have experienced tons of different churches and have yet to find a home.

All three of my children and baptized Catholic, and Tyra has received her rite for communion and repentence. But mostly cause that was what she was suppose to do. Not because I had this religious longing to make sure my children fufilled her sacrements. I know terrible but truthful!

So here I am again. I totally feel I, and my children, need a spritual home. There are always here and theres about each religion that I am not sure I totally believe in. For example, purgatory. I mean does that really exsist. If you are Catholic, you are suppose to believe it does. And if you are Mormon, are there really only degrees of heaven.

I have been lucky enough to attend a school that made religion classes mandatory. I have to see Rev. Acosta opened my eyes to so many different things

But yet I have yet to make a final choice.

SO being surrounded by Mormon influences, I have sought out a conversation with the missionaries. Now missionaries are people that come to your home and answer all your questions. Luckily I am surrounded by get mormons that will answer all my questions, but I think I need to hear it from the source. And they are on their mission and they should be the ones to "witness" to me..right? I am super nervous...but an totally attracted to the mormon religion and their thought process. I think secretly my mom knew I was going to either become mormon or marry into a mormon family. Most boys I dated were Mormon. Well with the exception of Ryan and tyra's sperm donor. Interesting enough those are the ones I had kids with. Weird I know. Anyway...

But for me..mormons believe family comes before everything. And that is totally my thought process. I want a husband, not that Ry doesn't, who puts me and the girls above all. I want certain nights of the week to be just for family. And we have family time together doing scriptures and whatever. Just us. So we all can grow closer together. Now, not that it takes a religion to have these things go on in my home, but it's nice that this religion puts it as part of there everyday lives! I want my husband and I to walk to get closer to God, bringing us closer together in the process.

I can't make choices for Ryan. As many husband are, Ryan is a proof in the pudding type of guy. I love him for it, but his faith is so little without proof. I mean he is a math and science guy. Who would I think that he would believe in something with no proof. That God is out there, because someone said so. I totally get his arguements about how can the bible be totally fact. My only answers to his questions are, I have faith. Most times, that is not enough for him.

But small changes. And I can only hope and believe that if I start my walk with God, Ryan will join me soon after. Right? Anyway..sorry I had to vent. It's weighing heavy on my heart, since I have totally began nurturing everything else on my list of things to do! All I can think of is that everything is possible with God.



Miss Hope said...

I was ALL over a text message on this one!

Neighbor Debbie said...

Ronee, I too am LDS and I think that the way you are approaching it now is a good start. If you need anything let me know. Good luck with your search.